The Speeral Notebook

2012-02-10T23:14:00.001-05:00

You just filled up your douchebag.

--harv

2012-01-14T23:01:00.001-05:00

I have nothing in my boobs to give you for that.

-- tonya

2011-12-30T20:29:00.001-05:00

That's too cold to swish in a tooth hole!
-- Mel

2011-11-20T00:39:00.001-05:00

Do it. It's not dairy. It's human.

2011-11-19T23:03:00.001-05:00

Cum has different flavors????

2011-09-09T23:08:00.000-04:00

They've mind washed us.

--jLOUD

2011-08-19T12:12:00.001-04:00

Let's put the wheels back on our house and move up here.

--Logan

2011-08-08T11:50:00.000-04:00

A logger without a lunch is like a dog trying to find a bone on an icy pond.

--Porky

2011-01-30T14:22:00.001-05:00

I can read it if its written in English, not cursive.

-- Stephen

2011-01-21T22:29:00.001-05:00

When you get 6" take it out and ride.
-- Nate

2011-01-07T23:05:00.001-05:00

Because the brain tells the mind what to do!
-- Barry

2010-12-26T22:47:00.001-05:00

You thought snakes on a plane was gay. Snakes with horns... now that's effed up.

-- Danny

2010-12-26T20:59:00.001-05:00

I shut it off, now it won't shut back on.

-- Terry

2010-12-22T23:09:00.002-05:00

So quit. It's easy. It's just a couple weeks of shitty weeks.
--Burgess

2010-12-15T15:56:00.001-05:00

Mom, have you started making milk... you know, like a cow?

-- Stephen

2010-12-13T20:42:00.002-05:00

Jen: aren't you gonna put your frijoles on there?
Chris: frijoles???
Jen: beans...
Chris: you mean all this time I've been saying "holy frijoles" and it means "holy beans"?!?!??

2010-12-13T19:31:00.001-05:00

Hostess: ¿Qué pasa?
Chris: eight thirty

2010-12-06T22:54:00.001-05:00

me: the dark hair guy from Hawaii 5-0... alex o'law-lin (o'loughlin)
chris: you mean o'lofflin; cause that is the sound G-H makes.
me: not always, though...

2010-11-25T19:39:00.000-05:00

Melissa: What's a pooch?
Sue: It's like a pouch, but you can't put anything in it.

2010-11-25T19:38:00.000-05:00

My face is moist.

-- Tooman

2010-11-15T19:36:00.001-05:00

He smacked a poke of cigarettes.

-- jLOUD

2010-11-12T19:34:00.000-05:00

Once a year she's 29 and I'm 30... well... this year.

-- Burgess

2010-10-31T19:39:00.001-04:00

Where did you do with your bag of food?
-- Sten

2010-10-28T23:53:00.002-04:00

Cook: I just had a thought.
Todd: Did it hurt?
Jen: The gerbils are smokin.
Todd: No, the smoke is coming out of his ass.
jLOUD: I didn't say the gerbil wasn't in his ass.

2010-10-09T17:52:00.001-04:00

I have some serious under wood!

-- Brooks

2010-10-03T14:55:00.001-04:00

Chris: That car is un-true.
Burgess: Those cars are pieces of shits.

2010-10-03T13:47:00.001-04:00

This is bat-shit-crazy delicious!

--Tooman

2010-09-24T15:01:00.001-04:00

Jess: What 2 snacks are mentioned in the song "take me out to the ball game"?
Ang: Buy me some peanuts and apple jack
Jess: Are you serious? Want to take another "crack" at it?

2010-09-18T00:40:00.001-04:00

I am not freakishly tall. I am freakishly handsome.
--KevinBurgess

2010-09-13T22:39:00.000-04:00

Russ: So when you are guys gonna have kids?
Erika: Why don't you ask my uterus?

2010-09-10T22:47:00.001-04:00

Big pendulous abdomens.

-- Joshy

2010-09-09T20:55:00.001-04:00

Well, my doctor told me that about 90% of the time you can get pregnant 14 days from the first of your last period.. Thats how they figure out when people are due... So maybe you should try that...

-- Leta

2010-09-05T09:15:00.001-04:00

I have pig blood on my LiveStrong bracelet.

- Sara

2010-09-01T01:21:00.001-04:00

Who needs Google when you have Voo Doo.

-- jLOUD

2010-08-31T17:28:00.001-04:00

Editor to the Lettiter.

-- Lynn

2010-08-28T20:49:00.001-04:00

Caleb: Why do you hurt your police dog?
Josh: have a police dog. I don't hurt it. Except when it eats out of the cat box.

2010-08-28T00:29:00.000-04:00

Matt: I'm really good at the jukebox. Don't you think I should get a job working a jukebox for people?
Sarah: You mean, like a DJ?
Matt: Yeah, a DJ or Jukeboxer.

2010-08-27T01:33:00.001-04:00

Rick: do you have a pop straw?
Quick-of-some-sort (Deanna): yes...
Rick: cut it in half and give me both ends.

2010-08-27T00:00:00.001-04:00

It's not easy bein' creepy.

-- Random

2010-08-21T19:16:00.001-04:00

I'm not a ginormous knockers kinda guys.

-- Sean

2010-08-21T18:13:00.003-04:00

Jagger-schnitzel

--Wags

2010-08-21T18:13:00.001-04:00

M great grandpa's nephew... So it would be my third cousin...

-- Wags

2010-08-21T17:00:00.001-04:00

Shit! We gotta feed the worms!

-- Mel

2010-07-24T02:06:00.001-04:00

Dongs on a bi-dent!

--Bubby

2010-07-24T00:51:00.001-04:00

Chris: Leapodoptera
Bubby: like a rabbit??
Chris: moths...

2010-07-14T21:55:00.001-04:00

If you're gonna have one last mistake, I would suggest doing it with a Random guy.

-- Random

2010-06-30T23:20:00.001-04:00

This is church. It's not NASCAR.

-- Pastor Schroeder

2010-05-23T00:24:00.001-04:00

That and a nickel will get you jack squat.

-- Larry

2010-05-07T17:38:00.001-04:00

Are you eating LOTS of Altoids?

-- Mel

2010-05-05T19:02:00.001-04:00

Jen: Tom, you're writing with your bad hand!
Tom: This is the best hand I got!

2010-04-25T22:34:00.001-04:00

What article of clothing did Adolf Hitler ban women from wearing?
-- Battle of the Sexes

Hoods
-- Kevin Burgess

2010-04-24T23:03:00.001-04:00

Anything is possible with a penis.

-- Burgess

2010-04-22T22:04:00.001-04:00

i wish you could fill a pinata with booze.

-- elizabeth

2010-04-02T22:30:00.001-04:00

Jake, the big ol' bull goat.

-- Tooman

2010-03-26T22:14:00.001-04:00

That's what you get for not lickin' donuts, huh?

--Burgess

2010-03-17T22:04:00.001-04:00

I ran a long time ago and I'm still hungry!

--Joshy

2010-03-10T21:32:00.001-05:00

So this is what it tastes like to be a lesbian...

-- jLOUD

2010-03-06T21:20:00.001-05:00

Where did you get a mustache?

--jLOUD

2010-03-06T00:01:00.001-05:00

Everytime I try to shave my butthole I end up sticking the razor in and I get distracted.

-- Tony

2009-12-28T21:03:00.003-05:00

Remember my black and white wing tip combat boots?

-- Hagen

2009-12-28T21:03:00.001-05:00

Remember my black and white wing tip combat boots?

-- Hagen

2009-12-12T19:06:00.001-05:00

I love pork. It's my favorite animal.

-- jLOUD

2009-12-11T22:24:00.001-05:00

I welded something... then touched it.

--kevinburgess

2009-12-05T22:18:00.001-05:00

Take her with a salt of grain.

--Faith

2009-12-04T22:00:00.001-05:00

Every girl wants to do a guy in a beetle.
-- Faith

2009-11-26T00:44:00.001-05:00

I got her digits... And a free taco.

-- Larry

2009-11-12T21:18:00.001-05:00

Does a fish shit in the water?

-- jLOUD

2009-10-10T00:25:00.001-04:00

Is that the ghost of Aunt Jamima?

You wouldn't be looking at it twice if it didn't look like the ghost of Aunt Jamima...

jLOUD

2009-10-10T00:04:00.001-04:00

Either it was some body else or it wasn't poop.

--voodoo

2009-10-09T00:31:00.001-04:00

Rip sh*t faced *ssed

--cook

2009-09-12T23:31:00.001-04:00

Can you go out the back door?
-- jLOUD

Why, do you have to yack!
-- Karen

2009-09-12T22:59:00.001-04:00

I'm too old for American Idol.

--jLOUD

2009-08-04T18:51:00.001-04:00

Bob - What happen to the pink helmet?

jLOUD - It's too big!

Bob - Never say that again!

2009-07-13T12:49:00.001-04:00

I only argue when I know I'm right.

--jLOUD

2009-07-13T12:48:00.002-04:00

These cherries are burning hot on my shirt!
--Joshy

2009-07-12T10:21:00.001-04:00

This part is full of delicious jelly!

-- Joshy

2009-07-12T10:20:00.001-04:00

I want every girl in the world to make me somethin' to eat.

--Joshy

2009-07-12T10:19:00.001-04:00

Damn, Kevin! You look nice!
--Tooman

I am!
-- Kevin

2009-07-04T16:33:00.001-04:00

Hey! Have you seen the new wiffle balls?

-- Hintze

2009-04-22T22:21:00.001-04:00

I have fart putty.

-- Teresa

2009-04-01T21:36:00.001-04:00

I am gonna have my phone until I'm 90.

-- Burgess

2009-04-01T21:32:00.001-04:00

Kevin has such a little ass! One cheek fits right in my hand.

--Erika

2009-03-28T23:19:00.001-04:00

I don't even use a towel anymore. I just dance.

--Rickity

2009-03-25T21:53:00.001-04:00

Do they grow into avacado trees?
-- Matt

Only after 20, 30, 40, 50 years. I don't know, man! I'm not a botonist.
-- Joshy

2009-03-04T20:14:00.001-05:00

We're even. You broke my etch-i-sketch.

--Pterry

2009-02-25T21:25:00.001-05:00

She was working at the smell of sound.

--Burgess

2009-02-12T19:53:00.001-05:00

I cleaned my car and I found a sandwich.

-- Kristian

2009-02-07T01:22:00.001-05:00

If I want to watch rednecks drive in circles I'll go to the beach.

-- Hagen

2009-01-21T21:48:00.001-05:00

We went to the health club. I was drunk.

-- Terry

2009-01-07T14:06:00.001-05:00

When you pass out from awesome, you go there (Microsoft Health Vault).

-- Chris Burton

2008-12-17T21:43:00.001-05:00

The way to a girls heart... Is thru Michael Jackson.

--Corey

2008-12-10T22:53:00.001-05:00

You never know what needs to be shot.

--Jim

2008-11-13T20:29:00.001-05:00

I gave up boobs all day that day.

--R.B.

2008-11-12T02:43:00.001-05:00

Tell him "at first I thought you were an asshole. Now I think I'm special."
--albert

2008-11-09T12:54:00.001-05:00

jLOUD - Aren't you glad you didn't have any girls, Tom?
Tom - Oh, I had a lot of girls...

2008-10-29T20:41:00.001-04:00

If poop tasted like this, i would have gotten a bigger dog. --2man

2008-10-16T13:05:00.001-04:00

There are no menstrual cycles in fantasy land.

--burgess

2008-10-08T08:54:00.001-04:00

White people like songs about bridges. --ryan

2008-08-17T00:52:00.001-04:00

I wanted that bb gun worse than i want tits in my face right now. --Joshy

2008-08-17T00:33:00.001-04:00

Eddie: i've touched fake boobs. Josh: they're not that awesome. Eddie: yea, especially when they're your sisters.